The Chap Price Index.
Identify the items your staff bought in 2006, and compare what you are now having to budget for 2007. Then have your man of business calculate the movement in price, and have the bounder flogged for giving you such bad news.
01.1 Food
01.1.1 Bread and Cereals
Pain-au-Chocolate
Battenburg
Dundee cake
Thigh-stretched chapattis
01.1.2 Meat
Beef
Oxtail
Entrecote Fillet
Braised Baron
Mutton
Whole shoulder roasted
Eyes
Stomachs (stuffed with saffron rice)
High grade throwing haggis
Pork
Whole, roasted suckling
Smoked streaky bacon - rashers
'Long Pork' steaks
Fowl
Goose livers (Fattened)
Boned quails - whole
Puffins - whole roasted (For Fridays)
Mallard wings - spicy coated
Other
Venison rashers (pickled)
Wild boar cheeks
Dolphin sausages (herbed)
Butterflied Guanaco legs
01.1.3 Fish
Sturgeon Fillets
Pikes whole
Whitebait
Crawfish tails
De-gilled spider crabs (Whole)
Ossified Limpet Wax
01.1.4 Dairy
Treble brandy cream
Yak butter (For tea)
Body-Yoghurt
Swan eggs - frying grade
01.1.5 Oils
Virgin's Olive oil
Immutified Ghee
01.1.6 Fruit
Darian - home ripened
Breadfruit
Frying plantains
Fresh dates
Vanilla pods
Cardamom
Turmeric
Saffron (per Kg)
01.1.7 Vegetables
Chillies birds’ eye red
Chillies finger green
Chillies scotch bonnet
Parsnips
Avocado
Chillies - Jalapeno
Processed Peas
Binder’s Butter beans
Brussel Sprouts - vacuum packed
01.1.8 Spreads and confectionary
Whisky marmalade
Marmite
1.2 Non Alcoholic Beverages
Earl grey - Leaf
Orange Peko - leaf
Assam Ceylon blend - hand rubbed
Lapsan Souchon - home bagging kits
Espresso - delivered
Tonic Water
Ginger Ale
2.1 Alcohol
2.1.1 Home
Absinthe
Gin
25 year old Single Malt
Pimms (Raw)
Turpentine (Double distilled - pints)
Real ale (per hogshead)
Madeira
Sillery
Aloxe Corton (Per case)
Sancerre (Per Case)
Gevry Chambertin (per Case)
Calvados
Amaretto
2.2.1 Guest Alcohol
Tunisian Sack
2.1 Tobaccos
Hand rubbed Virginian Pipe tobacco
Rizlas
Lebanese hashish (Uncut)
Nepalese Temple Ball
Britvic Laudanum Tincture
Cuban cigars - 1'' diameter - Military Grade
03.1 Clothing
03.1.1Gents Garments
Tweed Plus Fours
Deerstalker Hats
Fez repairs
Norfolk Hunting Jackets
Leather Arm patches
Flying Helmets (Leather)
Silk Pyjamas
Cravats
Velvet Brocade Bordello pants
03.1.2 Gents Shoes
Hobnail Boots - parade gloss
Winkle Pickers - brown
Magnetic boots (Russian Cosmonaut specification)
03.1.3 Ladies Garments
Corsets - silk
Corsets - brass
Stockings - Nylon, seamed
Lipstick
Handcuffs - non decorative
Wimpole - nun's
03.1.4 Ladies shoes
High Heeled shoes
Very High Heeled shoes
'Xianan' brand foot binding kits
04.1 Rents
Mayfair Pied a terre
Thai Beach hut
Moroccan souk stall
Steel reinforced command base (Mountain)
Steel reinforced command base (Submersible)
Rickshaw stand - Hong Kong
Rickshaw stand - Phnom Penh
04.2 Repairs
Repairing to the drawing room
Repairing aboard the flag for a consul of war
Tradesmen - hourly wages
Butlering
Nanny hush money / blackmail
04.5 Fuels
Aviation Gasoline
Tractor vaporising fuel
Alcohol / Peroxides (Delivered, chilled costs)
Uncracked Soviet Marine Diesel
Cordite
Avpin
Welsh anthracite
05.1 Furnishings
Chaise Longues
Cushions
Assorted dungeon hardware
Floor wax
Gravel
05.2 textiles
Rubber
Leather
Chainmail - per square yard
05.3 Appliances
Waffle Irons
Battery operated massage appliances
Plasma discharge masers
Dog leads
05.5 Tools and utensils
Qualcast 'Spitfire' garden napalm pistol
Home junior dentist kits
Scythes
Bloodhound portable radar kits
05.6 Home comestibles
Washing up liquid
Mineral oil
Latex body paint
Tin foil
Playing cards
Absinthe burners
Leeches (freeze dried)
06.1 Medical
06.1.1 Products - Pharmacy
Syphilis slime drafts
The Blue Pill
Tincture of Mercury
Whipping kits
Bandages
Iodine (drinking)
TCP lozenges
06.1.2 Medical - Services
Wombic manipulation
Enema / irrigation services
Restraint centres - hourly costs
Anaesthesia club membership
07.1 Vehicles
New cars
Second hand cars
Light reconnaissance vehicles
Monorail cars
Landing Craft - Vehicle + Personnel
07.2 Operation of vehicles
Chauffereage
Petroleum spirit
Methanol
Garaging fees
Motorcycle castor oil
07.3 Other Services
07.3.1 Railway
First class rail fares
Railway porterage
07.3.2 Sea
Trunk stowage rates
Steamer cabins - first class
07.3.3 Aero
Tickets - Imperial Airways
Tickets - Colonial carriers
Tickets - Continental carriers
07.3.4 General Travel costs
Overseas manservant and porter rates
Translation services
Luggage demurrage
Bribes and other customs fees
09.1 Audio visual
Pornography - Dutch
Pornography - Russian
Pornography - downloadable
String Quartets - for hire per hour
09.2 Recreation durables
Yachts
Ocean going cruisers
Frigates
Steam barges
Gliders
Cloth covered bi-planes
Stealth fighters
09.3 Pets, gardens etc
09.3.1 Pets
Python - live
Python - stuffed
Dog (edible)
Cat
Tapir (puppy)
Live cat food
Vetinary bribes
09.3.2 Gardens
Turf
Gravel
Lawn paint
09.4 Recreational services
Madam provision
Correction classes
School dinners
Racecourse admission
Debt recovery
Debt evasion
Fencing classes
Drug Rehabilitation
